Hawaii is my home. I don’t care that I wasn’t born there, that I didn’t spend most of my life there. Hawaii was the first place that made me feel home all the way to my core. My soul has never been happier than when I lived in Hawaii. As much as I love Hawaii, there are some funny quirks about it that you wouldn’t understand unless you are from Hawaii. Yes, there are a couple of versions of these but this one is mine and what I really think only people from Hawai’i would understand.
1. Sometimes it gets so cold you actually have to put real clothing on…and when I say cold I mean below 70 degrees. Yes, that’s right. Don’t judge me.
2. Oh you wanted to buy groceries? How’s that second mortgage treating you?
3. Everyone is your cousin, braddah, or auntie.
4. While I don’t have this problem, many of my local friends are in love with spam. Spam is served everywhere, even McDonald’s drive thrus.
5. Giving/getting directions is always an adventure. Pretty much goes like this…go all the way Kam Highway then turn right at the Shrimp Farm trucks, left at the birds of paradise section then…etc.
6. When shipping costs more than the total cost of the item you’re shipping. Yeah, it puts a whole new meaning to priority flat rate shipping.
7. Shave ice and your indecisiveness. Though Matsumoto’s is delicious I prefer the Pupukea food truck’s version.
8. If it doesn’t have rice and mac salad then it’s not a meal. True story. I never even liked either until I lived here.
9. When you haven’t been to the beach in two days. That’s a long ass time, don’t judge.
10. Then you can’t decide which beach to go to. This is always a problem. Do I want to go to Bellows because there’s not a lot of reef or do I want to go to Papailoa and sunbath with the sea turtles?!
11. But it doesn’t really matter when you have to leave 1-2 hours early because you’re stuck in this. NO ONE will beat this traffic, no one.
12. Not to mention gas already costs your first born keiki. Just take the price you’re paying and add a dollar basically.
13. Shark week is a daily happening. You can see them any time you want, if you really want to that is.
14. There is no civilized way to eat a malasada. They are a delicious mess.
15. That annoying voice on the radio saying “at Jeans Warehouse” 20 times a day yet you still go there. I’m not going to lie, it would be hard to have a conversation with that girl in real life but the cheap camisoles are hard to pass up on.
16. Trying to beat the security guards to climb the stairway to heaven. I have yet to complete this since I have a little one and you seriously have to be there at like 3am.
17. Potholes. Plan on buying new tires often.
18. Your favorite band will NEVER EVER tour here. EVER.
19. There are so many Zippy’s that you can’t decide which is your favorite one or let alone remember. There are probably 4 in a quarter mile block at a time.
20. Aloha has a whole other meaning than hello.
21. You’re told to pronounce Hawai’i incorrectly. It makes me sad how many Hawaiian words have a slang version that is believed to be the correct pronunciation.
23. These are called slippahs not to be confused with flipflops.
24. Centipedes and….Roaches. *shudders* No matter how clean your place is, THEY WILL FIND YOU.